


Save Me

by cupidty11



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Ableism, Doctors, Drug Addiction, Gen, Other, Self-Harm, Therapy, angsty, old writing is old, seriously this is so old im like cringing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-24
Updated: 2012-04-24
Packaged: 2017-11-04 05:55:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/390511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupidty11/pseuds/cupidty11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Session #: 6</p><p>Analysis: Dib has opened up officially today. Not much but at least a little bit. Still, I can't help but go over the notes left by doctors before me and notice a pattern. This was how the patient was with them as well. Let them think they are gaining progress then shut them down. Freak them out enough to scare them away. I refuse to be one of them. </p><p>Also, the 'he' Dib speaks of could be a number of things. But from the previous notes from previous experts, I am going to assume it is the fabled 'Invader Zim'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save Me

_Patient: Dib_  
Session #: 221  
Doctor: Wilson

_Analysis: Patient shows no sign of recovery at my hands. Still exhibits bitter outlook on life, extreme delusions of childhood memories, harsh feelings towards humanity (myself included) and had now taken to smoking in the room despite my wishes. In fact my protests seem to bring him amusement._

_I am afraid that Dib is beyond reaching. I am passing him on to a psychologist who may better understand and treat him._

 

"Giving upon me, Doc?" Pale lips turn up into a smirk, illuminated by the artificial light in the office.

"I can only do some much for you, Dib. Someone else can try." Dr.Williams replies simply and reluctantly. This man scares him, but at least he could say he tried. "Someone better suited to your…needs."

A cloud of smoke wafts from the smoldering tip of Dib's fag. "That's alright. I'm used to you bastards passing me along." It's brought to his mouth, and with a deep drag that assures possible lung problems in the future, Dib puts it out on his arm. The skin sizzles. Dr.Williams flinches. The patient grins.

"It'll be fun."  
__  
__  
Patient: Dib  
Session #: 1  
Doctor: Mersi

_Analysis: The patient walks in looking stoic. His first words are not altogether friendly. But from his file I have expected they wouldn't be so. Dib has already made himself comfortable, putting his feet up on the table and eyeing the area with boredom. But from the tilt of his eyebrows I can read suspicion._

_It seems today I will not be getting much out of him. Perhaps that is best. Let the trust (no matter if it's small) grow. The next session I will attempt speech. For now I grant him his wish._

The door slams open. It would've broken a hole in the dry wall if not for the strategically placed rubber stopper. The man in the doorway is tall. Taller than what she had expected. He filled the room the second he stepped inside. From the black clothing, scowling face, cow licked hair and doomy aura; she knows immediately that this is her new patient.

"Hello. You must be Dib. I'—"

"Had a bad day. Do me a huge favor. Don't talk to me." The man says rather coolly, picking a spot in the furthest corner of the room.

Dr.Mersi obliges.  
__ __  
Patient: Dib  
Session #: 2  
Doctor: Mersi

_Analysis: Results. We spoke for a few minutes. Of course it wasn't pleasant. In fact it was rather insulting, rude as some might be inclined to call it. I, however, expected this. Dib will not be happy to talk to me. Let alone tell me what's bothering him or what's wrong with him. But, one day, he will._

The same chair. The chair is a burnished red, complete with two little green, fuzzy pillows that Dib has taken to picking at when he's run out of the reading material he's brought. Dr.Mersi observes that light is glancing off the patient's glasses, obscuring her view of his eyes. Today she speaks up.

"Dib. My files say that you often have good days and bad days." She flips several sheets of paper around on her clip board to emphasize. "I know how that goes. It can be tough. But sometimes it helps to talk to someone about it. Would you like to talk?"

The green pillow is tossed aside. Dib's attention is now fully on the doctor and it's kind of unnerving. The dark brown of his eyes is rather cutting. As if he can see through every false façade. Every shield she's ever put up to protect herself. Every harmful secret she might posses.

"You better write this out, Doctor; 'My little black heart is breaking. It breaks more the longer I have to listen to your big fat mouth keep talking.' Got that?"

Dr.Mersi sighs but writes it anyway. "I have that down."

"Good."  
\--  
_  
Session #:3_

_Analysis: We have moved on a bit from pure outright insults in my direction to more in his direction. I am beginning to see the more all over jaded view he has for the rest of the world. Today's conversation might not seem like much but it's a step none the less._

"I'm so sick…" Surprisingly, Dib starts the conversation today. Dr.Mersi looks in his direction and takes out her notes.

"Of what, Dib?" She asks, patiently. Calmly and lightly curious. He doesn't have to tell her if he doesn't want to.

"Of my sickness. I'm ill. I can tell. I can tell because people look at me. They talk about me. I can tell because sometimes I catch myself believing them. I'm sick because they think if they touch me, even in the slightest amount that they will catch it."

Dib scowls, looking just as disgusted as he claims. But, a trained eye such as hers can see the tiny bit of hurt in his eyes. "You probably think you'll catch it too."

Dr.Mersi scribbles a few things down before responding the best way a therapist knows how; with a question. "Catch what exactly, Dib?"

The patient looks at her as if she's mentally handicapped. "My insanity."

\-- _  
Session #: 6_

_Analysis: Dib has opened up officially today. Not much but at least a little bit. Still, I can't help but go over the notes left by doctors before me and notice a pattern. This was how the patient was with them as well. Let them think they are gaining progress then shut them down. Freak them out enough to scare them away. I refuse to be one of them._

_Also, the 'he' Dib speaks of could be a number of things. But from the previous notes from previous experts, I am going to assume it is the fabled 'Invader Zim'._

 

Dr.Mersi is sitting in her little chair, fit for her little body and holding her little clipbook which is documented with the little notes in her little handwriting.

Its ten minutes into the session.

"Dib. People like to put labels on themselves and others. It can be a good thing. But also very bad. Instead of listening to them, I would like you to describe yourself to me in three words."

Amber eyes stare with almost no recognition to her request. If it wasn't for the slight blinking when she tapped her pencil, she might've thought she hadn't spoken at all. The clock ticked loudly in the space.

"I'm useless." Dib ticked off with one finger, smirking slightly. "Lazy." To give more meaning to the statement he slunk down in the seat. "Perverted." The smile fell. "And you hate me. Everyone does. It doesn't matter what the fuck I say I am. Everyone else listens to themselves and when I am out there that's all that matters."

The doctor sighed, sitting up further to combat her patients obvious doom and gloom. "Dib. Don't say that. You're all that matters. You."

Silence. Silence only broken by the annoying clock that continued to tick away the precious seconds of their session.

"You can't save me." The patient whispered ominously. He sat up and kneeled forward against the table. "You can't change me. If you're waiting my wake up call my sudden click to sanity…then you have another thing coming. It never works. Never! I've been seeing doctors all my life. I'm beyond redemption."

A grimace that somehow managed to look like the craziest smile in the whole world graced Dib's face. "No one can take me from his clutches. Nothing can bring me from the brink. I've been this way since him and I'll be this way until he returns."  
\--  
_  
Session #: 19_

_Analysis: I've known for some time that I have been treating a sociopath but today's session shed lighter onto the fact. The patient reencountered the time he went to the physician, pleading for a cure, a medication to break the emotions he was experiencing. It did not end well in the end. See further notes for details. This was apparently Dib's first 'real' offense._

 

"I went to the doctor." The man began, looking up at the ceiling blankly. "And I asked her to make this stop. She gave me medication…a new addiction. I remember being so relieved to have something to stop the hurt. To make the stupid memories go away. For a while…it worked." Bitterly Dib laughed, sitting upright to stare at Dr.Mersi.

"I should've known better. It wasn't long before that medicine was all I could think about. A new fix. Another dosage. Just one more pill. And when I ran out, I had to have more."

The Doctor knew she was about to get a glimpse at the boy's first real crime. The beginnings of his down fall supposedly. "But, she wouldn't give me anymore. Said I was unstable. That this was very bad and that I had to go to a hospital."

Dib shook his head violently, hands clenching the red chair. "I've been to so many 'hospitals'. I knew the one she talked about. The Crazy House for Boys. I wasn't going there. Not again! So…I attacked her. I had to shut her up. I couldn't go back to that place, damn it…"

Calm. Quiet. Easy. "She didn't die." The casual sentence was followed immediately by a mental one that was obvious in the room 'sadly'. The remorse in those gold eyes stated that Dib wished he could've killed her. And given a few more minutes he probably could've.

\-- _  
Session #: 80_

_Analysis: After a long, long time I have secured a little bit of information on 'Zim'. However, this tale brings a feeling of disturb. Dib blames himself for much. Perhaps with a bit more prodding I can make out how this has anything to do with 'Zim'._

Today rain battered the sides of the window mercilessly. It added to the usual silence. Today Mersi wondered if she would get anything out of her patient. Usually on rainy days he was quieter than usual, seemingly lost in thought.

Perhaps the weather held a special memory for him.

"I died." The words were thrown out into the open. They floated kind of lost but the waves had an impact on the therapist. She fought not to cough on the sip of water she'd drunken. Setting the bottle down, calmly, she turned back to Dib and lifted her pen to the paper.

"Alright. Would you like to talk about it?"

A few seconds of pure debate on the patient's part as he watched the drops clatter against the window. Abruptly that argument appeared to be over. "It was ten years ago. I was fifteen years old. I remember fighting Zim out in the rain. Normally he would refuse to do so, but he'd slathered his skin with paste earlier."

"It was a particularly brutal fight. But everything leading up to IT was. Throwing myself at him, I got in a few good punches a lot of dirty kicks. I think the rain washed away any blood I might've drawn. There was wetness blocking my vision but I could hear perfectly. And in the few seconds in between yelling and screaming, I picked up on the tale tell sign of his Pak legs swooping out."

Dib appeared to pale, even as his body tensed with glee. "Instinct told me to run for my life. Stubbornness kept me standing there. Maybe the prick though I would move. Maybe he really did mean to do it. But seconds later, after Zim gave his famous battle cry, I felt something hot and painful in my chest. There was a sharp shine when the Irken wrenched the leg out of me. It hurt even worse. There was a big pounding in my ears. Over the pain I could hear his yelling. I went down to the dirty street, and by then I was numb. The last thing I saw was big fake blue eyes staring down at me."

Dr.Mersi was writing all this down with much trepidation. Dib just seemed to be telling the story, not caring about anything else but this memory. His eyes were wide and blank.

"There is a light. Nothing golden or colored. Just big, white and freaking blinding." Pause. "I went to heaven. I saw the fucking gates, damn it. There was this person standing on the other side of it. No features. No nothing. Just an empty grin. Dressed all in dull white. I couldn't get in. For what I had done. So, I said 'Please save me'."

Her patient ran a hand down his face, before smiling the bitterest smile in the world. "He said, 'Are you crazy? You had too much fun.'"

"So, I went back to Earth. I was in a tube. Zim had saved me."

The timer binged, signaling that their time was up. Dib stood up, grabbing his back pack. "He was the only one who ever did. And it's all my fault he left. All my fault." He walked out of the room, slamming the door.

\--  
_  
Session #: 81_

_Analysis: I don't think I can do much else. It saddens me to say that Dib is unreachable. Undeniably one of the most difficult patients I've ever had to work with. I believe that he is best left alone where he is now. To wait for the alien who is never bound to come._

"Why is it all your fault, Dib?" Dr.Mersi asks, hesitantly.

"What?" The man snaps, looking up from his magazine. She doesn't flinch.

"You said in our last session that it was all your fault."

"Because it is." Dib answers simply, staring a hole in her. Those same eyes she first glimpsed almost a year ago have not changed. In fact they seemed to have sharpened.

"Why?" Maybe she was being too nosey. Better to let this one go, perhaps? But, it was a great opportunity and sometimes you had to put pressure on someone to get results.

Dib's eyes narrowed, his entire body tensed and if she was not mistaken he might've twitched a bit. "You do not want to know about this, Doc."

"I…do."

An explosion would be a suitable description of what happened next; Dib jumped out of his chair and began to pace, hands curled kind of like claws. They ran often through untamable hair.

"God damn it! It's my fault! I let him leave! I broke him! They broke him first though! Zim was everything; my mission, my redemption, my true enemy, my only friend. I hated him so bad. I wanted to tear him to pieces. To open his guts to show the world who and what he was. I grew up wanting to beat him. He lived for so long just to ruin me! Two pieces that never should've been but fit…fucking perfectly."

Was that a choked sob? "Zim was my life. Everyone thinks he's imaginary! A delusion. A sick hallucination. Whatever! I have the scars! I bear his marks. I carry our war on my skin! He is here. On my chest when he killed me. On my arms where he grabbed me in fear! Broke my nose twice out of anger. "

Tears ran freely down the patient's face now. Mersi had never seen him cry. In all the reports he had never shed a tear. "Then I decided to try to be normal! What a fucking stupid move! I did. I became normal. I had friends! A life! But, without him it felt meaningless. I'd done this before too. But, this time it was longer. After he killed me I needed to try again. And for a whole year! A year! I succeeded…"

Dib threw a fist at the wall, looking about at broken as a man could be. The dry wall suffered, crumbling beneath his fingers.

"But, eventually it hurt too much. I was so…BORED. I went back to him. Back to us. To our war. I ran back down that street we used to fight in, around that corner where I remember pressing him against the fence, jumping over people's stupid dogs and finding…NOTHING! Absolutely nothing!"

The male turned back to Dr.Mersi and crumbled against the door.

"The house, the gnomes, the lies were gone! Every single piece of proof, evidence was gone! The bastard had up and left! I didn't know why! Why? WHY? Why did he have to leave? He left me! But, I left him first, right?! Right?! So of course it's all my fault! I saved the earth though…but then why didn't it feel as good as I had thought it would?! Because Zim wasn't there and Zim was gone and I was all alone. Alone. More than I had ever been before. I had friends and a life. Popularity. But, it was useless."

The insanity. She had thought to be able to help Dib. To bring him to his senses. She'd wanted to help him. Was it even possible? The longer her patient cried and yelled, she began to think that Dib would be better off alone without people like her prodding at his mind. Dib was delicate.

One of the cases she hated to find. Dib honestly believed an alien had once been a part of his life. He had felt strong, strong feelings for said alien. And who was she to try to take that away from him?

"I needed Zim. Zim saved me. Zim changed me. And without him I was useless."

Yes. Something's were better left untouched. Dib couldn't be touched by them anymore. He was beyond their reach. Only one person could do anything about him.

And that person was make believe.

**Author's Note:**

> Freakin 2 am writing binges.
> 
> I got nothing all day long for anyof my REAL stories then 2:00 roles around and my minds just like 'lolderp you should write crazy!dib songfic.'  
> And then of course I'm like...."OMG OKAH~" *typetypetype*
> 
> Can you tell it's now 5:15 for me?
> 
> Well this was inspired by 'Save Me- Unwritten Law'.
> 
> Great song. 
> 
> And I need to sleep now. 
> 
> I don't own IZ.


End file.
